notes on florida

This is surely one of many. I've noticed that I seem to react more consciously to the landscape here. Don't get me wrong, New York clearly left many imprints (bruises and scars, too, of course), but down here more is tangible. Like the crunchy, dry aspect to everything on the ground. The grass is nothing conceivable in the North -- it's thick as in wide and weighty blades, barely rooted on the ground and dry, unforgiving. Grass here is more likely to scratch back than give way.

And there are bugs and snakes and salamanders everywhere. My eyes aren't used to this kind of constant movement -- small, darting creatures that pay no heed to the hulking masses (people) around them. The raccoons are sassy. I mean, real sassy. Everything is low and relatively expansive -- no hills or even embankments to break the eye's horizon.

And I'm living among it all just fine. I don't detest whatever it was I used to detest (vaguely, the weather and strip malls and flat land). I'm not feeling quite so alienated. I mean, there is a young population here, there are bars and coffee shops and parks and libraries, etc. There are homos here, everywhere. I feel like I've met as many lesbians in a week as I did in a couple months in New York, but they're nice down here. Queers are also numerous.

I definitely look different though, and when I start getting calls for job interviews this will be more pronounced. I'm wondering what I'm willing to compromise. My hair will be an issue -- it's now a mohawk with shaved lines on either side. I'm wondering what to wear to an interview. The first thing in my mind is, of course, just wear a nice pair of pants, shirt and tie. This is a totally professional look. I kind of forget (or disregard) the fact that, to others, dressing in such masculine clothes is more than just an appearance that takes a refocusing of the eyes. I think, maybe, to others, seeing me in masculine clothes is a declaration of an aggressive lifestyle I must lead, and rather than reading an outfit, people are prone to read a forthcoming rebellion. This unsettles, I'm sure, a manager.

So, OK. No pants and shirt/tie. So what else? A blouse? The word blouse to me is like saying breasts. Like, shall I wear breasts today? Oh, what color? With darts? hehe. Tits+Darts, must remember that one for future sketches. I think that I would need to wear a pretty feminine blouse to get away with not wearing some other accessory that says I'm professional (like a tie). I left my necklaces in Philadelphia (i used to wear coral, gold, and diamonds, if you can believe it -- not all at once, though!). Ok, skirt. No. Out of the question. I say it and that's exactly where it goes -- away. And also disturbing is thinking about getting a job, then wearing more neutral outfits, a week's worth. I wish it were as simple as neutrality, actually. But wherever I am on the gender spectrum now views anything leaning towards neutral as a direct appropriation of strong femininity, and as you can tell, I'm still uncomfortable with that identity.

Any suggestions for attire? Lay 'em on me.